My heart travels to longings and desires of things that ‘little me’ doesn’t believe are ever possible. It dreams quietly within me and I’ve stopped listening as the dreams it has, as they seem so out of reach.
I stopped listening to it after it got wounded so badly I thought I’d never recover. And maybe thats part of the problem, I’ve been stuck so long in “recovery” my heart is so buried away, I’m not even sure what it looks like – I’m scared to look because when I do, it wants and desires things I can’t bring myself to consider without grief, regret, feelings of violations and tears.
But sometimes, if I’m caught “off-guard” I might hear it murmur with the faint whiff of happiness when I drift off in the sunshine or catch a happy memory floating past, before I’ve had the chance to ruin it and compare myself now to who I was then.
My heart is only truly alive when I’m sleeping and it continues its dreaming inside me without interference or interruption.
I have become disconnected from my heart, separated from it, yet I feel its grief, sadness and loneliness and it brought me here. 💜
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