Day 14

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    Leanne Matton

    Say its name

    It’s time to write down the losses.

    List everything that has been lost, stolen, destroyed.

    Everything that you never received. The harm, the pain, the betrayal. No matter how small or how old.

    Write it down, say it out loud. Call it by its name.

    I lost the ability to feel safe in the world.
    I lost the experience of feeling protected, of knowing that somebody cared.
    I lost my marriage, my ability to experience love, my ability to create a family of my own.
    I lost my roots, a place to call home, the chance to have lifelong friends.
    I lost my chance to enter adulthood following my dreams, doing what I loved.
    I lost the belief that if I needed help, someone would come.
    I lost connection with my body as the freeze took over, a body that could do the things I wanted to do, a body that would let love in.
    I lost the opportunity to grow up with my siblings, with blood relatives, with people I resembled, my ancestry, my origins.
    I lost trust in others but worse, in myself.
    I lost my voice. I silenced it to stay alive.
    I lost my education, my direction, my reputation.
    I lost friends, parents, siblings, partners, homes, pets.

    I lost them all, and now I call them back. I claim my body, my place, my belonging, my past and future, my life. I call them mine. I call them home.

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