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When do you most feel like you? Where do you feel that space in your body?
These are questions I’ve been exploring lately. Did I ever get a chance to feel ‘like me’? It was only ever a hypervigilance about how others felt so that I could be a me that wouldn’t be somehow an irritant and a ‘failure’ and object of derision and punishment. Trying to find how I feel has meant many months of sleeping and healing old hurts and allowing myself to feel what’s in my body, moment to moment… and learning to notice changes and what they might signal. I’m feeling an opening in my heart – an opening to each moment and what’s before me.. and an unclenching of the tight ball in my gut.. a softening, allowing of deep breathing and awareness of the beauty here and now.
Special times of feeling most like me are in the company of friends who are like me.. friends who get it, who don’t judge, who see me underneath my anxious behaviours and clumsy communication. I feel that in my arms… the feeling of wanting to hug them, to stay connected, to keep sharing our safe space. But I carry them in my heart too, and I’m learning that I only need to think of them to feel how they affirm and celebrate the real me.What beautiful expressions you have all shared. I have the heart of a lonely, grief-stricken, shocked and traumatised child, but this child has also had the determined heart of a warrior. It’s taken me on great adventures and into many battles to ‘heal the world’, but lately I’ve realised that more time healing myself makes me a more gentle and skillful warrior. And I’ve also started to choose more realistic battles and more sustaining self care, including community care. I think that’s what we have here. A community with heart, that holds each other with reverent acknowledgement and understanding of the darkness. Love to you all.
Hi everyone, my name is Maria and I’ve worked through this course before, but a few years ago now. Since then I’ve been lucky to work with an excellent trauma therapist who has been doing EMDR with me and I feel that a lot has shifted, so I’m very curious about how the courses will feel for me now. Having a sanctuary where we can share our stories and reflections is such an important part of healing – it really helps me to regulate and heal the shame that keeps coming up in my life and blocking my progress. In my professional life I help changemakers become trauma informed in their own roles so that they work with compassion. Looking forward to the journey with you all.