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What a beautiful journal and artwork you have created!
I started my journal after a writing down the dark course. I draw my feelings, looking back to process (the year of 2020), and so many cathartic creations of my soul as I stitch it back together.
What a lovely coping idea to let the scared little child off the hook. Playing is another great idea to cope. I’m not letting myself play enough. Need to read this and remind myself to keep “playing” with the coping skills as I move along in healing.
Over-eating. When I am in a better place, my survival kit is moving my body: hiking, biking, kayaking. I’ve been so down that my over-eating took me to weight heights unknown. To survive this, I keep trying on acceptance in my thoughts, “hey, this is getting you through.” My kit is expansive. I forget to use my skills way too much lately. My best skill is staying awake to moments of awe. Those seem to help me survive and cherish most. In particular in nature. A sunset that flames across the sky. A bid flying. Redwood trees.
shredded soul
My coping statements are in play every day. Every part of the list of examples are coping behaviors that I’ve used for protection. The one area that my insides wrestle with is the homeostasis of self-criticism. it feels like that moment that I freed myself from the critical environment of my childhood, I elected to continue the criticism inside my own head. It feels just like home. I talk back to it, reframe it, and make improvements daily, but that voice continues to live inside. A hungry ghost in my head.
My best work on internal housecleaning is in accepting that martyr part inside me. I can go into the martyrdom too much. My coping statement that works on this behavior is to tell myself that “you have had way more than a fair share, and it’s okay to feel the martyr when needed.” I seem to martyr along less when i validate myself like I wish others would. A wound of mine is “not being seen.” Each time I see myself in my various parts, I put back another little shred of my torn to bits soul. That’s what the coping statements do for me.
Thanks for the nudge on the ebook.
Hello to my fellow Sanctuary participants. My name is Teresa and I am here for your virtual support as we meander together in safety though old wounds. it has been a long highway of freakish speed to understand how to create peace in my central nervous system. Not there yet.
I love the expansion and contraction–like breathing new peace into my shredded soul. I hope to stitch some of it back together as we wander along. There is this well of sadness that my freakish speed covers in thick camouflage. Many parts of me are still hidden for a perception of protection and safety.
I loved watching your video Leanne. It was calming to listen to your voice and “see” you.
Great to meet you all!
MzTW
Expert Scapegoat.